this is not a tragedy story.

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Tue, 11 Jun 2013 19:10:07 -0700

the thoughts rarely come by anymore. my mind is cloudy and maybe it is because I have been home all...

Fri, 07 Jun 2013 02:41:00 -0700

the thoughts rarely come by anymore. my mind is cloudy and maybe it is because I have been home all week, waiting for the transition period to start, hoping that it will become reality. I want to do everything and at the same time, nothing at all. maybe it is based on environment. yet last year before everything happened I told myself that my feelings are not reflective of what is around me, that these thoughts and ideas will follow me five hundred miles up and down the coast of california.

it doesn’t sound right to write anymore. I want the feeling in my stomach to go away. I want to be happier. but what if everyone has a cap on the amount of happiness they can feel. it is 2am and I know it is not true, but when I cannot sleep I feel sad and alone and think things that I shouldn’t. I do not like explicitly stating that sometimes I feel sad and alone but I don’t know how to let things out when I get upset so maybe this is a start. it is easier to be a sponge sometimes. it is strange to feel this way so often and yet believe more than anything that it won’t last forever. that you’ll make it out no matter how many more 2am nights there will be spent trying to keep the fire burning a little longer.

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Mon, 03 Jun 2013 20:16:25 -0700

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Sun, 02 Jun 2013 23:05:25 -0700

uninspired

Sun, 02 Jun 2013 22:27:11 -0700

uninspired

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Sun, 02 Jun 2013 21:37:41 -0700

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Sun, 02 Jun 2013 18:53:37 -0700

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Fri, 31 May 2013 00:29:18 -0700

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Fri, 24 May 2013 02:00:12 -0700

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Wed, 22 May 2013 17:33:34 -0700

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Mon, 20 May 2013 15:27:58 -0700

was creepin on a friend's facebook and i clicked your profile just because i was bored and found your amazing tumblr. i think i kind of feel a lot like you do.. hope you're doing swell.

Sun, 19 May 2013 19:54:08 -0700

thank you, I’m glad you found some things you could relate to. hope you’re doing swell too =)

I promise I will write again soon. today it felt like the things inside got worse. I don’t...

Sun, 19 May 2013 02:30:00 -0700

I promise I will write again soon. today it felt like the things inside got worse. I don’t know what to call them. feelings that I have every now and then. monsters. blessings. the idea of having to fight forever is extremely daunting. there is a part of me that is damaged. I think everyone has this inside of them. some buried deeper than others. I am planting flowers around mine. love everyone. love everything. no matter how many times you have to replant. no matter how many times the petals turn to pigment. it is so hard sometimes. that is okay. we are too in love with this world to stop trying.

<3<3<3 you're so beautiful to me.

Tue, 14 May 2013 21:10:54 -0700

thank you, little messages like this make me smile. you are beautiful as well, I’m sure of it.

hi beautiful nigga. i can't wait to see your face again. i miss you and love you a lot. volleyball will be 20 bajillion times better with you. <3

Mon, 13 May 2013 14:55:51 -0700

I miss you lots and lots and lots and can’t wait to have all our adventures again and be fat and order too much shaved ice <3

we’ll make a dream team for IMs hehe

note to self- stop reading sad booksand watching sad movies

Wed, 08 May 2013 21:42:40 -0700

note to self-

stop reading sad books
and watching sad movies

so quiettoo quiet

Tue, 07 May 2013 23:57:29 -0700

so quiet
too quiet

Mon, 06 May 2013 14:41:32 -0700

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Sat, 04 May 2013 20:03:32 -0700

beautiful things sprout from the most rotten of experiences. I believe this more than anything, but...

Wed, 01 May 2013 00:59:00 -0700

beautiful things sprout from the most rotten of experiences. I believe this more than anything, but it is hard to remember when we give in to ourselves and the things we fear the most. I am not neurotic, but sometimes I truly think there is something strange and obscure about this kind of processing— that it is warped in some flower petals drowning in the sea sort of way. I am trying to remember that it is okay to go slow. okay to be sensitive. learning to acknowledge that sometimes I feel hurt from things that are not meant to hurt, and blame from things that do not exist. we spend nights ruminating and internalizing as though they are faults, until we start to apologize for the things inside of us and lose what make us special— not in the get a star on your homework in grade school kind of way, but a ladybug landed on your shoulder and no one saw it way. I am content in the strangest of ways, I do not think that is contradictory. just amassed in a jumble of weary nights and lukewarm drinks meant to keep our beautiful messes awake a little longer. I think everyone just wants some validation for the things that they feel. that they are not the crazy ones. and no one is ever all alone.